Mommy Almost Ruined Christmas

Yep. That's our Santa picture this season. In the years to come, hopefully my children will find it funny. Hopefully. 

My children are 2 and 3 years old. My 3 year old has entered a new stage in his life that entails torturing the very soul of my mental capacity. The trouble that child can get into in the time it takes me to switch the laundry or use the bathroom is impressive. This month alone he has poured a 5 pound bag of sugar onto my kitchen floor, dumped water on it, and left his sister there to start licking it. He poured out a bag of rice onto the kitchen floor and stomped all over it. He started screaming "no" at my husband and I on an HOURLY basis. He won't eat his dinner. One hour of t.v. time isn't enough. One cookie isn't enough. The tantrums bring me to my knees. 

At the end of the day he always tells me, "I love you, sweet dreams, see you in the morning. You wake me up." He curls up under his dinosaur comforter, baby elephant tucked under his arm, smiles at me and falls asleep. 

Anyway, I almost ruined Christmas for these kids. I was expecting to decorate our Christmas tree, bake cookies, build a gingerbread house, drive around to see lights, watch Santa come on the train, take card-worthy pictures, giggle while we look for their elves in the morning, go to church and fill their hearts to the brim with magic. 

This is not how it is happening. Christmas trees do not get put up fast enough. Gingerbread houses don't dry quickly enough. Cookies don't bake in 3 seconds. Lights are soooo cool. The elves were boring after day 3. God is a difficult concept for them. There hasn't been one picture yet where one of them isn't crying. 

I dropped the bomb after tantrum #12 involved Seymour and Lucy (the elves) getting punched into the toilet. "You know what? Santa's not coming." is what I said to my 2 and 3 year old. My son overheard me telling my husband they were ruining Christmas earlier that same day. Wow, I suck. I just put 2 elves in a coffin. A coffin! I've had a yucky year and I'm feeling bad about myself but there is NO reason to say things like that to little children. 

Tonight my son asked my husband if he was ruining Christmas. I crumbled into a million pieces. He heard me say those awful things! No wonder he's acting out. I took a deep breath, went into his bedroom, picked him up and told him MOMMY was ruining Christmas. He asked me in that adorable 3 year old voice if Santa was still going to bring him presents. I looked him in the eyes and told him that he has the biggest, nicest heart I have ever known and Santa would bring him wonderful presents. He smiled so big I thought his cheeks would explode. 

After that, the fight to get him to go to bed stopped. The yelling stopped. I caught myself just in time to turn this season around. In order to enjoy Christmas with 2 little kids you have to lower your expectations. Christmas is hard to understand at first. I'm admitting my terrible mistake for the other mommys out there feeling frustrated. You're not alone. 

Christmas is a time for love! If my kids want to put all the ornaments on one branch, they can. If they want to touch Seymour and Lucy, go for it. I'll give them a wink if they sneak a cookie before dinner. I'll empty a whole tank of gas driving them around to see all the lights if I have to! I'll read them the Christmas story again and again. Go ahead, watch another episode of that silly lizard cartoon. Just please have an amazing Christmas. Mommy is so sorry.

I Took The Easy Way Out: Becoming a Cosmetologist.

It was Winter of 2005 when I got my GPA from Keystone College. 

1.7

Ouch.

What happened to me? I was an honor student in high school, a member of the Spanish and Latin clubs. I was the unofficial president of SADD. I was so excited for college. Keystone was beautiful. They had so many outdoor trails, great food, cute dorm rooms and nice students. 

I got wonderful remarks from my English professor about a creative writing paper I did. I studied SO hard for my first Chemistry exam and ended up with an 85. 

One day I just stopped going to class. 

I called my mom and we went for coffee at the local diner. I dropped a bomb on her that day. I wanted to move home, work for a year and go to school to be a Cosmetologist. She was shocked but hesitantly supportive. 

Shortly after that decision I lost someone very important to me at the time. It was extremely difficult and I wasn't sure I was in a good place to make any drastic decisions. I wondered that entire summer if I was doing the right thing. It was still the best summer of my life. I was gorgeous and I knew it. I partied at my friends' college apartments and dated whoever I wanted. It was the first time I felt free and it was a wonderful time in my life.

I felt as if I was taking the "easy" way out by going to cosmetology school. Everyone was in college on their way to "real" careers. My last party ended when a "friend" told me I didn't have anything to worry about, it wasn't like I was going to a REAL school. 

Bye Felicia.

Beauty school is really fucking hard. 

It involves biology, chemistry and geometry. It involves learning the rules just so you can later break them. It involves sales. It involves an artist's precise hand. It involves making people feel beautiful in a world where virtually no one feels good about themselves. It involves rejection, triumph and a small dose of drama here and there.

The weird thing was: I loved it. It was easy to me BECAUSE I loved it. 

And isn't that how choosing a career SHOULD be?

I felt guilty for feeling like life was easy! A career is supposed to be hard and draining. Right? Ha...no. 

So I am sitting here as living proof that if you listen to yourself, do what your gut tells you and take advice from the people that matter, you will come out on top. 

Oh and a good mentor helps. 

Thanks Gina, April and Diane. 

I hope I can help others out one day the way you have helped me. 

I Was An Angry Mommy

My First Mother's Day Picture

I was pregnant and had no idea yet.

Red hair, extensions, glowing skin, makeup, jewelry, skinny, new dress. And that perfect chunky baby in a little suit.

How could I be so angry?

I wasn't angry at all actually. At this point motherhood was so easy for me. I was staying home with Ryder and I loved it. 

Then one day I started feeling stir crazy. Then angry. Then sad. I needed to get out of the house. I needed to get my career on track. I had so many terrible experiences with companies that I was terrified to get a job. Literally. No one knows what I went through. 

I couldn't be a SAHM forever. I had to do something else to keep my sense of self. The thought of having another job where I was just another damn number was terrifying to me. Like, make me throw-up, start to cry, bring on the full body tremors-terrifying. And no one in the world understood. My favorite line was, "she just doesn't want to work."  

*Insert middle finger here because I am the hardest working person that ever existed*

Anyway, I sought help from the most wondeful counselor in the entire world. She saved my life. I thank her in my silent prayers every single day. She not only saved my life, she taught me how to grow up and stop judging other people. Thank you Diana. 

Fastforward a year.

I had a great job at a great salon with a great manager, a wonderful husband and 2 happy healthy babies.  I also had an adorable little house, two reliable vehicles and a bank account that wasn't empty at the end of every pay period. 

WHY was I SO angry?

Anger is unresolved expectations.

My babies are just that: babies. I had to stop "expecting" them to not make a mess. I had to stop "expecting" myself to fix the bed, do the laundry, clean the house, cook dinner, work out, go to work, and "be" gorgeous, on top of raising my children. Finally, I stopped caring so much. The important thing was that we were all healthy. And we are!

In 10 years I would be pretty pissed if I looked back and could only remember cooking and cleaning. I want to remember feeling happy. I want to remember joy and peacefulness among the unavoidable chaos of childhood. I want to remember playing and watching "The kitty movie" 30 times a day. 

So the old me at the top of the screen can kiss my ass. I'm better now......

Arabella Barbara 3 months old. Ryder Patrick 1 and a 1/2 years old. 

January 2014

Butter and Garlic Chicken Strips

What you will need:

-2 lbs boneless/skinless chicken breast

-3 chopped garlic cloves

-1 cup of flour

-1 cup of butter

-1 tsp pepper

-1 tsp of salt

-1 tbs of garlic powder

-1 can (14.5oz) of chicken broth

-1 tsp parsley

-1 and a 1/2 cup of rice (not pictured)

1.) Chop up your garlic. You can do it by hand or the lazy way.

Hint: Thank you Ellen DeGeneres

You can easily peel garlic by placing it in a container 

and shaking it relatively hard.

2.) Spread chopped garlic over bottom of your baking pan.

3.) Melt 1/4 cup (1 stick) of butter in pan over medium to low heat.

4.) While butter is melting, cut chicken into even strips.

5.) Combine Flour, Garlic powder, Pepper and Salt (not pictured) into a bag.

6.) Add chicken to bag and shake!

7.) Add chicken to pan. Cook until slightly golden on both sides.

8.)Melt other 1/4 cup of butter either on the stove top or the lazy way and add it to baking dish.

9.) Add chicken and chicken broth to baking dish. Sprinkle parsley over the top. 

10.) Cover and bake for 30 minutes at 350*

While the chicken is in the oven, cook the rice.

For a little something extra, add lemon pepper to chicken after serving over rice. Yummy Yummy!

Enjoy!

Garlic Butter Chicken Strips

-2 lbs boneless/skinless chicken breast

-3 chopped garlic cloves

-1 cup of flour

-1 cup of butter

-1 tsp pepper

-1 tsp of salt

-1 tbs of garlic powder

-1 can (14.5oz) of chicken broth

-1 tsp parsley

-1 and a 1/2 cup of rice (not pictured)

Preheat oven to 350*

1.) Chop up your garlic.

2.) Spread chopped garlic over bottom of your baking pan.

3.) Melt 1/4 cup (1 stick) of butter in pan over medium to low heat.

4.) While butter is melting, cut chicken into even strips.

5.) Combine Flour, Garlic powder, Pepper and Salt (not pictured) into a bag.

6.) Add chicken to bag and shake!

7.) Add chicken to pan. Cook until slightly golden on both sides.

8.)Melt other 1/4 cup of butter either on the stove top or the lazy way and add it to baking dish.

9.) Add chicken and chicken broth to baking dish. Sprinkle parsley over the top.

10.) Cover and bake for 30 minutes at 350*

Enchilada Lasagña

   This is my first try at a food post. I will be honest, there is a lack of pictures but every post is a learning adventure!

What you need:

• 6 large flour tortillas
• 1 large cooked chicken breast
• 1 small jar of your favorite salsa
• 1 can of black beans
• 1 can of corn
• 1 can of enchilada sauce
• 1 cup of brown rice
• 1 tsp of cumin
• 1 tsp of chili powder
• 2 cups of mexican cheese
• 1 can of cream of mushroom soup
• 1 cup of sour cream
• Frank's RedHot on hand for those who like extra heat

1.) Preheat oven to 350*

2.) Cook chicken breast in a few splashes of Frank's RedHot and water. Sprinkle cumin and chili powder on top. Check on it every half hour until no longer pink in the middle. (Tonight's took me 55 min.)

3.) Make the rice as directed.

4.) Here is the lazy part: I shred my chicken using my stand mixer with the paddle. It takes 15 seconds and your chicken is perfectly shredded. 

5.) Add to the chicken:

• salsa (drained a little)
• black beans (drained)
• corn (drained)

6.) Fluff up the rice and add enchilada sauce to it.

7.) Mix cream of mushroom soup and sour cream.

8.) Use something nonstick in the casserole dish. I like softened butter. Nonstick spray, olive oil, what ever makes removal from the dish after cooking easier.

9.) Layer as followed:

• 2 tortillas (covering the bottom)
• 1/2 of the chicken mix
• 1/2 of the rice and enchilada sauce mix
• A sprinkle of cheese
• 2 tortillas
• The other 1/2 of the chicken mix
• The other 1/2 of the rice and enchilada mix
• A sprinkle of cheese
• 2 tortillas
• top with cream of mushroom soup and sour cream mix
• and finally - the rest of the cheese (yum)

N.B.- It's okay if some of the tortilla pop over the top. You can trim the excess away or keep it there. It doesn't matter. 

10.) Cover with tin foil and bake for 30 minutes at 350*

Enjoy :-)

Thank you for reading!

I Wash My Face With Oil and Charcoal.

 Seriously. 

After suffering with acne for 15 years I took to the internet for a cure. I hated feeling like I HAD to wear makeup. Pregnancy with my son brought on new concerns. I couldn't use any products with salicylic acid while pregnant (at least that's what my doctor said). And to make matters worse, my acne worsened.

That being said, I was only able to come to one conclusion: my acne was hormonal and there wasn't anything I could do about it. Great.

Fast forward a few months and I found an invitation in my email for this new thing called "Pinterest."  I browsed the beauty section and I found a strange article about cleansing your skin with Castor Oil and Extra Virgin Olive Oil. You have got to be kidding me. Another blogger wrote about a mask she used made out of charcoal and honey! Where are they coming up with this?? Another pinner posted a blog about the use of baking soda as an all natural alternative for microdermabrasion. hmmmm. 
That is where it all began. 


Castor oil draws out dirt and excess oils.
Extra Virgin Olive Oil keeps skin soft and hydrated.
Charcoal draws out dirt and oil as well. 
Baking Soda is a very mild exfoliant and helps balance pH.

I bought the supplies, gave it a two weeks trial and haven't looked back since! 

Of course I added a little bit of my own knowledge to the making of this concoction.

• 1/2 a bottle of castor oil
• 1/2 a bottle of extra virgin olive oil
• 15 drops of tea tree oil (a natural bacteria killing oil)
• 3 opened capsules of activated charcoal applied to the face

Gently massage a quarter sized drop of it onto your skin. Use a warm, wet washcloth to gently wash away.

I like doing this in the shower. The steam helps clean out your pores. 

I also exfoliate with baking soda and honey once a week. 

The ridiculously cute kid was not a side effect.
Then again, ask my husband. ;0) 

What I Use

Thanks for reading!

Why I Took My Husband's Last Name

   "So, are you going to change your last name?", I was asked. What? What does she mean? Of course I'm changing my name, I'm getting married. duh. "Ummmm I think so." was all I managed to stammer out before I changed the subject.

It is an important question to ask yourself in this day and age where previous traditions have, newly, gone out the door. Most of our parents have the same last name. I have seen very few hyphenate.

I asked myself this question for many many nights. Why WAS I taking his last name? Tradition? That's it? Well that's bull......

There were so many options: I take his name. He takes mine. I hyphenate. I hyphenate legally but socially go with his. It was not a stress I expected during my engagement.

Soon I convinced myself I was going to hyphenate my name and that was that. Then I thought of my potential children. I didn't want my name to be different than theirs'! Ahhh but I could just make theirs hyphenated as well. Well now Ryan won't have the same last name. Maybe he could change his name too. I really don't like the way my first name and his last name sound together.

It hit me one night as I was dozing off to sleep, the epiphany I needed!

I would take his last name. Not for any other reason than the fact that I wanted to present a united front to the world. It was a representation of our new life together - our potential family together. And that was all that mattered to me.




So why not change every one's name?

Because my maiden name was too darn hard to pronounce and only having to do half the paperwork could save a freakin' tree. :0)

Thanks for reading! <3

Blog-inity

    It is 2015 and I am starting my journey as a blogger. I have lost my "blog-inity".  In 2013 I had one New Year's resolution: beat depression. And I did it! 

2014 brought on a much happier but over-ambitious me and I failed at my New Year's Resolutions. Drink more water, exercise, write more letters, call more people, go to church....etc etc etc.

It was awful. I ended up more stressed out than ever. It reflected onto my family and even my own health. I developed a pulmonary embolism in my right lung and have now subjected myself to 6 months of blood thinners. It was a wake-up call to say the least. 

No more birth control or cigarettes for this chick. I have way too much to live for.

It is 2015. I am eating some volcano fries and haven't wore a pinch of makeup since my last shift at the salon. 

And I am SO happy. Seriously, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror at American Eagle and I thought, "wow, I have never looked better!"

That is when I decided what my 2015 New Year's Resolution is going to be; to be a happier more authentic Me! I have already started!

I am going with the flow of life. I wanted french fries tonight. Nailed it. I want my daughter to grow up loving herself for who she REALLY is. I stopped coloring my hair so dramatic and cut down on the makeup. Nailed it. -and I am beautiful! My inner beauty shines through!

Ryder and I went outside and ran around and around and around. (Arabella was sleeping, I had the monitor.....)

Now onto Ryan. I am sitting here staring at the screen wondering what words could possibly express what makes us "we". There are no words. Only beautiful images flowing through my mind of our time together in this world. There are no words to express the love and gratitude I have for him. He is my partner in this and all other lives, worlds, and dimensions. He has no place on my New Year's resolution list. He doesn't need to be there. <3

This is going to be a great year. Going with the flow, taking care of myself, listening to my gut, and developing a better relationship with God are going to help me build my family up to places we never dreamt possible.

Thanks for reading :0)