Perfect
The urge to be perfect creeps up on me. It is a constant in my life. Most people could venture a correct guess at the cause of it's being.
It's been over two years since I have written on my blog and I still have a lot to learn. Life happened so fast. In my fool headed (but unintentional) quest for perfection I'd like to write about what I have been able to improve about myself while offering some insight to my world off of social media.
It was very hard, but I beat my battle with depression....again. My depression is circumstantial. As I allowed myself to grow, the people who were meant to be in my life stayed and those who weren't, left. It was a breath of fresh air for me.
I am showing more gratitude for my loved ones. I'll never understand why this was an issue. How could I allow myself to take people for granted? I am still practicing this as I learn the different ways others feel love.
The "thrill" of gossip no longer excites me. As one accrues skeletons in their own closet you begin to grow empathetic of what others have weighing on their souls. It's not interesting anymore. It's a fact of life, everyone has problems. Sometimes I hear stories told to very few people. I find peace in locking those words you have so bravely told me deep in my heart, never to be spoken of again.
I finally have a system to keep up with the *&^%ing laundry.
I gained 35 pounds and I'm okay with it. Do I encourage others to do it? No. Am I trying to lose it? Yep. For so long I felt "valued" because of my jean size. I started stress eating when the salon wasn't getting done, my babies grew into kiddies, my husband worked 60-80 hours a week and I kept forcing myself to do things I didn't want to do. It was time to learn what I liked about me!
It was very hard, but I beat my battle with depression....again. My depression is circumstantial. As I allowed myself to grow, the people who were meant to be in my life stayed and those who weren't, left. It was a breath of fresh air for me.
I am showing more gratitude for my loved ones. I'll never understand why this was an issue. How could I allow myself to take people for granted? I am still practicing this as I learn the different ways others feel love.
The "thrill" of gossip no longer excites me. As one accrues skeletons in their own closet you begin to grow empathetic of what others have weighing on their souls. It's not interesting anymore. It's a fact of life, everyone has problems. Sometimes I hear stories told to very few people. I find peace in locking those words you have so bravely told me deep in my heart, never to be spoken of again.
I finally have a system to keep up with the *&^%ing laundry.
I gained 35 pounds and I'm okay with it. Do I encourage others to do it? No. Am I trying to lose it? Yep. For so long I felt "valued" because of my jean size. I started stress eating when the salon wasn't getting done, my babies grew into kiddies, my husband worked 60-80 hours a week and I kept forcing myself to do things I didn't want to do. It was time to learn what I liked about me!
I love you Taco Bell but you are a baaaaad boyfriend.
My shoulder...how does someone even begin to cope with that kind of injury and the events surrounding it? You find help, suck it up, and put down the bottle of wine. The fact is I drank too much. I didn't drink and drive or become belligerent in front of my children. The time came to put it down and BE the example I wanted to set for my kids. I wanted to show them proper coping skills. I wanted to show them how to have a good time without alcohol. There's a pretty silver scar on my shoulder to remind me I don't need (or want) to artificially escape my own thoughts ever again.
I read more, soooo much more. Now that's an escape I can get used to.
I have gained independence. From the purchase of my own embroidery machine to opening my own business, I feel more secure. I'm so thankful for my MIL, she let me keep her embroidery and vinyl machines at my house so I had something to do while my shoulder healed. It feels good to be trusted with things like that. Ryan was (and still is essentially) paying for everything. Any money I make goes toward the fat (but interest free!) balance on my credit card we used to build the salon. Making money feels good.
I understand how our government works. It's embarrassing how little I knew.
My shoulder...how does someone even begin to cope with that kind of injury and the events surrounding it? You find help, suck it up, and put down the bottle of wine. The fact is I drank too much. I didn't drink and drive or become belligerent in front of my children. The time came to put it down and BE the example I wanted to set for my kids. I wanted to show them proper coping skills. I wanted to show them how to have a good time without alcohol. There's a pretty silver scar on my shoulder to remind me I don't need (or want) to artificially escape my own thoughts ever again.
I read more, soooo much more. Now that's an escape I can get used to.
I have gained independence. From the purchase of my own embroidery machine to opening my own business, I feel more secure. I'm so thankful for my MIL, she let me keep her embroidery and vinyl machines at my house so I had something to do while my shoulder healed. It feels good to be trusted with things like that. Ryan was (and still is essentially) paying for everything. Any money I make goes toward the fat (but interest free!) balance on my credit card we used to build the salon. Making money feels good.
I understand how our government works. It's embarrassing how little I knew.
I stopped putting my husband before myself all the time. He never asked me to do it. He encourages me to do things for myself. I stopped FORCING myself on him. I let the feelings between us flow naturally now. I tell him exactly what I think.
Facebook helps me organize the good things. Most people with "perfect" lives don't post their stuff for me or you. They post it for themselves; it's like this little reminder of the things going right in life we all need to see to keep pushing forward.
Once again I am resolving to stop it with the perfect crap. I'm not going to lay on my death bed thankful I washed my floors every Monday. When my time comes I simply want to smile and say, "thank you."
Facebook helps me organize the good things. Most people with "perfect" lives don't post their stuff for me or you. They post it for themselves; it's like this little reminder of the things going right in life we all need to see to keep pushing forward.
Once again I am resolving to stop it with the perfect crap. I'm not going to lay on my death bed thankful I washed my floors every Monday. When my time comes I simply want to smile and say, "thank you."
Thanks for reading!
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