Molluscum Contagiosum

Kids, unknowingly, put us through so much. I'm lucky. My little ones rarely get sick. They generally use their manners. Neither are concernedly shy. I love watching them grow up together. Both of my kids are certainly not perfect but I do know they could be a heck of a lot worse.

I just finished helping Ryder and Arabella shower off the horrible blisters they have as a result of a visit to our dermatologist. We had no other options. In the last couple years I have been dealing with this problem, I have only met two other mothers who knew what this skin condition was. TWO. So this post is for you. 

If your little ones are going through this I want you to know that: 

1. I know what it is, you're not alone. 

2. I know it's not any one's fault your child has this.

3. I know your child isn't "dirty". I know your house, your car, your existence, is not "dirty". 

And 4. You're a great parent.

Almost two years ago, right after Ryder's four year immunizations, he developed this tiny bump on his right hand. It looked like a skin tag. The dermatologist told us not to worry, it's call "Molluscum Contagiosum" (MC), it's incredibly common in preschool aged children and would certainly go away on it's own. 

Great! Now we knew what it was, no big deal, don't worry about it, if it swells make sure to put a band aid on it until it disappears. 

Except....his didn't disappear. He got another bump on his side, near his ribs. We went back to the dermatologist and were prescribed Imiquimod cream. It was supposed to help his immune system target these annoying little bumps and make them go away.

Except, it didn't work. He got more bumps on his ribs and stomach. Back to the dermatologist we went and this time we were given Tretinoin cream. It started to work, one of the bumps swelled, I put a band aid on it and in a few days it was gone. This was such a relief. Honestly, Summer was approaching and MC is not a pretty sight. I felt like I had failed him somehow. He was itchy. The Tretinoin started to bother him and he formed large raised patches of dermatitis and eczema around the affected areas. It was heartbreaking. 

I took him back to the dermatologist again and this time we had the MC burned off. Ryder was so brave. It went so well! The bumps swelled into blisters, scabbed over and within a few months he was cleared up. I cried a lot during this ordeal, but remained thankful Arabella didn't get it. He had some very mild discomfort, mostly itching. By August, it was over.

Fast forward to early November, Arabella had just received her four year immunizations and sure as sh*t, there it was: a bump on her left hand. Ryder developed a tiny one on his hip. 

They spread SO fast. She had them on her upper arm, a few on her stomach. He had a few on his elbow and two on his hip. I really didn't want both of them to have to go through the burning and blistering.

This time we tried apple cider vinegar. It made them itchy and flaky. They developed these awful red, angry looking patches of eczema. We tried oregano oil. That started to work but to no avail. I added more and more and more carrier oil. They developed the worst case of dermatitis I have ever seen.

I didn't want to take them back to the dermatologist. Seeing those tiny burns broke my heart in a way I'll never understand. But we had to. She tried freezing one on Ryder's elbow but he couldn't stand the feeling so back to burning we went. Arabella wanted the same thing her big brother was getting so she got hers burned too. 

He is fine, a little itchy but Arabella is stunned. She is so uncomfortable she won't get up and walk around. Getting her into the shower was traumatizing for us both.

I've been crying and wondering and searching for a cure for so long. Hopefully this is the end. It could be worse, so much worse. Hopefully in a few weeks they will only have tiny white marks where the MC used to be. In the meantime, I wanted to write this for everyone who has gone through this with their children; especially for those who have gone through it alone. 

When Life Feels Blocked Up

I'm not actually unhappy in this picture. I had been pushing two whiny kids around Central Park all day. We were waiting for the bus so naturally I started thinking about all the things I had to do once we were home.

This past weekend was "blocked up" for me. I began thinking too much about things I wanted to do and change. I added that to the list of things I had to do and my brain quickly came to a halt. To be honest, I don't take care of "me" enough either. I'm with my kids 24/7.

What a weird feeling. For me, it feels like my body NEEDS to be moving but I don't know to where or for what purpose. Straightening up small things like the kitchen table and wiping coffee stains off the counter become my habit.

My mother-in-law has dinner every Sunday for her family. This past weekend I finally decided to stay home and take care of "me" while Ryan and the kids were gone. But, I was stuck. I sat on the couch staring at the toys on the floor and the dust on the TV stand. I ran my hands through my hair that was still in need of some TLC. I thought of the charcoal mask on my shelf waiting to clean the pores on my face. Yet, no movement, no desire to do anything; no desire to sleep.

I lit a cilantro and lime candle in my extremely cluttered bedroom and cleared my thoughts. Heal me. I sat with my eyes closed until I felt what was bothering me the most. It was kind of silly but it was my closet, of all things.

I drug myself to the studio and applied a toner to my hair and a charcoal mask to my face. I grabbed two large garbage bags and emptied the closet of clothes that will never fit me again, shoes that I haven't worn in years, hats, scarves and other miscellaneous crap. I moved the unclaimed craft items to their designated shelf in my craft closet along with large amounts of newly purchased yarn and wine glasses destined for cute works of vinyl to be applied to them.

The "blockage" disappeared and I had a very productive Monday.

I guess it's worth sitting down and admitting to yourself what's REALLY bothering you. It's worth admitting that we don't take care of ourselves enough. It's worth clearing your head for a few minutes and taking care of the things we have deemed "to-do.....later".

Thanks for reading. Hope you're healing too. :0)

My Perfect (Facebook) Life

Perfect

The urge to be perfect creeps up on me. It is a constant in my life. Most people could venture a correct guess at the cause of it's being. 

It's been over two years since I have written on my blog and I still have a lot to learn. Life happened so fast. In my fool headed (but unintentional) quest for perfection I'd like to write about what I have been able to improve about myself while offering some insight to my world off of social media.

It was very hard, but I beat my battle with depression....again. My depression is circumstantial. As I allowed myself to grow, the people who were meant to be in my life stayed and those who weren't, left. It was a breath of fresh air for me.

I am showing more gratitude for my loved ones. I'll never understand why this was an issue. How could I allow myself to take people for granted? I am still practicing this as I learn the different ways others feel love.

The "thrill" of gossip no longer excites me. As one accrues skeletons in their own closet you begin to grow empathetic of what others have weighing on their souls. It's not interesting anymore. It's a fact of life, everyone has problems. Sometimes I hear stories told to very few people. I find peace in locking those words you have so bravely told me deep in my heart, never to be spoken of again.

I finally have a system to keep up with the *&^%ing laundry.

I gained 35 pounds and I'm okay with it. Do I encourage others to do it? No. Am I trying to lose it? Yep. For so long I felt "valued" because of my jean size. I started stress eating when the salon wasn't getting done, my babies grew into kiddies, my husband worked 60-80 hours a week and I kept forcing myself to do things I didn't want to do. It was time to learn what I liked about me! 

I love you Taco Bell but you are a baaaaad boyfriend.

My shoulder...how does someone even begin to cope with that kind of injury and the events surrounding it? You find help, suck it up, and put down the bottle of wine. The fact is I drank too much. I didn't drink and drive or become belligerent in front of my children. The time came to put it down and BE the example I wanted to set for my kids. I wanted to show them proper coping skills. I wanted to show them how to have a good time without alcohol. There's a pretty silver scar on my shoulder to remind me I don't need (or want) to artificially escape my own thoughts ever again.

I read more, soooo much more. Now that's an escape I can get used to.

I have gained independence. From the purchase of my own embroidery machine to opening my own business, I feel more secure. I'm so thankful for my MIL, she let me keep her embroidery and vinyl machines at my house so I had something to do while my shoulder healed. It feels good to be trusted with things like that. Ryan was (and still is essentially) paying for everything. Any money I make goes toward the fat (but interest free!) balance on my credit card we used to build the salon. Making money feels good.

I understand how our government works. It's embarrassing how little I knew. 

I stopped putting my husband before myself all the time. He never asked me to do it. He encourages me to do things for myself. I stopped FORCING myself on him. I let the feelings between us flow naturally now. I tell him exactly what I think.


Facebook helps me organize the good things. Most people with "perfect" lives don't post their stuff for me or you. They post it for themselves; it's like this little reminder of the things going right in life we all need to see to keep pushing forward.

Once again I am resolving to stop it with the perfect crap. I'm not going to lay on my death bed thankful I washed my floors every Monday. When my time comes I simply want to smile and say, "thank you."

Thanks for reading!

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